Dear Mom….who lost it and yelled at her Kids!
I know what your feeling right now….after you have yelled, made little lips tremble and had a meltdown of your own.
You are feeling exhausted, at your wits end, and massively guilty.
I am not sure what triggered your yelling today…but here is what triggered mine.
I am sharing this because …. I am not perfect and I want you to know it’s OK, it happens to the best of us.
I also want you to know you have the Power to reset your day.
Why did I yell after a fun filled morning at the beach….where I was present and having a blast with my kids.
A combination of events happened…..my 5 year old being extremely independent and walking away from me even though I was yelling my numbers (123 Magic Anyone?? I think I forgot to leave the emotion out of it).
It could be the 3-year old was now exhausted from jumping in the ocean waves and was now begging for me to carry her even though I had a 21 pound 18 month old strapped to me.
Maybe it was the 40 pound(possible exaggeration here) beach bag thanks to our soaked beach towels as I was to busy playing in the water to pay attention to the tide moving up.
Anyhow as we made our trip back…I felt my composure slipping so bad, that by the time we go into the house and in to the bathtub, that when the girls decided to take the shower nozzle and spray it all over the bathroom…I LOST IT!!
Of course this is what I like to refer to as an adult temper tantrum. Once I gained control over the situation I felt horrible for yelling and losing it.
When this happens…and thankfully not as often anymore, I take a deep breath count to whatever number it takes to find my calm and do the following these 3 steps put me back in control. Remember you have the control over how you choose to move forward.
1. Give Yourself Grace. I have to remind myself I am human and I make mistakes and have default settings. Default settings are what we revert back to when we feel ourselves being pressured and or overwhelmed. It’s different for all of us and for me it looks like and angry volcano exploded. Also, noticing my triggers. For me triggers happen to be when I feel pulled in 3 different directions all at once. Each little one needing something and then add in the exhausted MOM who could use a nap as well. (These grains of wisdom are from two of my go to books on parenting). 123 Magic and The Danish Way of Parenting.
The deep down truth for me is there is immense Joy in my chaos. The morning was filled with giggles and playing on the beach. Building sand castles and enjoying every minute of it. But there are times when I am human and feel stretched. Hopefully one day I won’t be the mom who yells, I can say this I am getting better at recognizing my triggers and stopping before it spirals out of control and I may go days & days before I yell. ( I used to be the mom that yelled all the time!)
2. Remedy the Situation – This afternoon to remedy the situation…I apologized to my kids for yelling and gave them snuggles & lovin’s ( as we refer to them) but I also had the girls clean up the mess in the bathroom. I then made a snack for everyone drank a big glass of water. We all had a snack together once the mess was cleaned up and read a story.
3. Give yourself some Downtime & Evaluate – Once the chaos has settled down or the situation that caused your yelling is under control. Take a few minutes to yourself and use this time to reflect about the moment so that the next time you feel your triggers being pushed you can tackle the situation in a calm effective manner.
If it’s been a particularly bad day I recommend getting a break, sometimes this may mean getting out of the house when your partner gets home. For me it looks like writing & or putting my airbuds in and listening to a book, and or reading. Maybe it’s an at home workout to relieve some pent up stress. Remember you can’t choose Joy if you are empty so self-care away Mama!
Remember this for the mom who yelled give yourself some Grace, be better in the next moment and realize that you have control of how to move on from this point. But know this I am beside you as a fellow mom being imperfectly human. Yet reaching for Grace and second chances to do better all the time. I am working to continue to choose joy & enjoy my coffee (hopefully an iced one on this hot afternoon).
Til Our Next Adventure,
If you are a big reader… some of my favorite books are listed below. Also if you haven’t tried Audible…click on over to find out why Audible is amazing! Why All Mom’s need Audible!